Painting

Co tě nezabije, to tě posílí

"Memories visit me
without warning,
like old enemies.
I try to secretly
tell them to shut the fuck up.

Why they come back?
They only bring out shame and anger,
over and over again.
And each one calls out to me:
“You poor woman,
look what you’ve done.”

What about memories of childhood,
which bear witness
to my growing
up
from a stifled little girl
who wore glasses,
to a fat girl with braces
and other shortcomings.

What about memories of high school,
where being eccentric was in.
I hated physicists
and instead of literary seminars
I went for beer
and holotropic breathing
only to later
be ashamed of my behavior!

What a memory of college,
full of guys,
to whom I paid attention
and lost my dignity.
So many times!

And what about the first marriage,
filled with despair?
I married badly,
I can't remember those days anymore —
I was swimming in alcohol
and sinking lower and lower,
to the very bottom.
It's been so long."